Pray as you can, not as you can’t.
Pray simply, and with all of yourself, just the way you are.
Second of a three-part series from Slí Eile on young adults and prayer
Here is the second of our three stories of personal experiences of prayer. Each are as unique as the individual who tells them, and proof, perhaps, that if prayer is to nourish and sustain, it cannot be ‘imposed’. Rather, prayer has to be desired, yearned for and then, experienced.
Prayer is both a gift, and a lifelong adventure. It is also a commitment requiring humility, perseverance and time – like any loving relationship. At its core is desire; the desire to communicate with and love the one who is love.
Prayer is gratitude; it is an automatic response to love. It has nothing to do with slavish imitation, or sheep-like fellowship that is grey and lifeless. Prayer, as love, is neither grey nor lifeless. These stories of prayer brim with colour, adventure and with life.
John
Mid-twenties
Legal Professional
I remember having quite a powerful experience at my First Holy Communion. Apart from that, my most vivid memories are of my two grandmothers, who were driven in their faith. They exuded prayer, and a sense of calm and happiness that I always attributed to prayer. That has always stayed with me.
I remember going to Padre Pio Masses with one of my Grandmothers, and I was as well a very enthusiastic Altar Server, so I guess I had an interest in religion all along. At secondary school I was interested in God in a factual way but didn’t have a strong faith as such. I took a leap at the age of seventeen, and went to the World Youth Day event in Toronto, Canada. I was struck by the sense of togetherness and faith in so many young people. It got me thinking more.
Later, when I went to university, the Chaplain was inspirational. In particular it struck me how passionate he was. He really prayed the Mass. That stood out because it was so different from what I personally had experienced at my local parish. I began attending daily Mass.
At this time in my life I had a very set view of the Church I suppose. This wasn’t helped by my getting involved in quite a conservative movement within it. I found it too structured and prescriptive for me, and quickly pulled back from it. I felt judged, and inadequate. The experience shattered me and I didn’t feel able to pray for about six weeks afterwards.
Through this time and a couple of subsequent difficult events in my life, even when prayer seemed to dry up, I continued going to daily Mass. I persevered, and it helped in a way that’s difficult to define. I suppose I preferred to persevere, be angry and search for answers, rather than use these occasions as opportunities to run away. These ‘barren’ times in prayer have tended to end for me through quite dramatic experiences of God’s love and presence.
Another member of the chaplaincy team at university began running prayer evenings once a week. They were a real eye-opener for me,
because they opened up different styles of prayer to me. They gave me the confidence to find a way that suited me, and to trust in the value of my way. These prayer evenings contrasted sharply to the prescriptiveness and judgement-laden approach of my previous experience. I’d made a breakthrough.
I’m out of university now, and my prayer-life I suppose goes in peaks and troughs. There’ve been times when it’s felt like I’ve totally forgotten how to pray. At those times I find some consolation in something a Jesuit priest once told me – he said, ‘pray as you can, not as you can’t’. A couple of times also, I’ve tried the Rosary when I am struggling with prayer. For reasons I can’t explain, that too has led me out of the dryness and back on track with regard to prayer.
I find work stuff spins around in my head and it is the most common distraction from prayer. There are certain distractions that are good to bring to prayer, but others I think need to be removed. It’s a real challenge!
Now, in general, I’ll make a simple morning offering, and try to take fifteen minutes in the middle of the day to sit in silence, or pray with Scripture. Evening time is my best time for prayer, when I’ll do a kind of Examen of Consciousness.
I try to make time for the odd retreat. Recently, I went on a six-day silent retreat, which was my longest retreat. That was a challenge initially, but I developed a level of comfort in the silence that was new, and enjoyed extended periods of simple uncluttered prayer.
What I think I’ve learned over time is that there’s no ‘prayer package’ that can suit everyone. I have also learned that, as an individual, what worked for me in one time of life may not work in the next.
We are individuals in that as in all things.
I know I’ll have times of despair in my prayer and that will always be a challenge, but essentially it’s a time when I put myself wholly in the presence of God. I give it all to him.
He loves me as I am, and there is great comfort in that.